Archive for November 8th, 2012

November 8, 2012

tramp dread

28.02.11 – from my journal

Just read Michael Neill’s Monday post. Here’s a nice thought: “When you don’t know what to do, don’t do it.” So he’s saying don’t change. If you don’t know what to do, do nothing. That’s subversive. M. was looking yesterday at exhibitions we could go and see this afternoon. That would be in the spirit of doing nothing, I suppose. It’s hard doing nothing, especially if you’re feeling scared, scared of being judged, scared that opportunities are passing you by, scared that there are all sorts of pro-survival things that I should be doing, that normal people would do, that I’m not and am therefore going to join my homeless friends in their sleeping bags in the street downstairs. Why does “homeless tramp” seem to be the logical conclusion of my behavior? I’m hardly reckless. The chances of me doing something that will really turn me into an outcast are almost slim to none. I’m not likely to murder or steal from someone. I’m quite a good person. I have relatives who wouldn’t allow anything really bad to happen to me.

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