Posts tagged ‘TV addiction’

November 5, 2012

how it feels to be unemployed

Journal 28.02.11

That makes 4 months that I’ve done virtually no paid work. I’m feeling scared. Yesterday evening I ended up eating half a loaf of bread and watching back to back episodes of The Big Bang Theory to try and not feel scared, but I went to bed feeling scared, I went to sleep feeling scared and I woke up feeling scared. I’ve decided to stay here this week and face my demons. It may turn out that this involves eating entire loaves of bread and watching series 3 of Damages back to back, that I’ve been saving for just such an occasion when I don’t want to feel anything.

Maybe that can be what I do on Wednesday. I read somewhere that Wednesday is the worst day of the week, the day in which you’re likely to have the lowest energy, to have lost hope of either achieving anything or that the weekend will ever come. The last two Wednesdays I have spent watching In Treatment. Maybe the first of those two Wednesdays I might even have done some journaling and gone running but things fell apart after that.

It’s no fun feeling scared. I certainly can’t be creative while I’m scared. It’s good to have something routine to do, to occupy all of my attention, that doesn’t require any kind of emotional or intellectual energy to do when I’m scared. Otherwise, it’s all about dulling the sensation, blocking it out with TV. Sometimes really good books or movies help. Sometimes the desire to stop feeling like this galvanizes me into action.

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October 25, 2012

yes, that’s 20 episodes in one day

24.02.2011 Thursday

I watched 20 episodes of the 3rd season of In Treatment yesterday. The theme is how stuck and paralysed Paul the psychiatrist has become. His patients are a difficult-to-love gay teenage boy, an actress who is failing to acknowledge her sister dying of cancer and who is estranged from her daughter, and Sunil, a recent immigrant from Calcutta who seems to be on the verge of committing some kind of violent punitive act against his daughter-in-law. If this series lives up to expectations Sunil won’t conform to stereotype, or at least therapy will be a way of averting disaster.

What’s fascinating still about this series is how people need to make sense of their lives, even when it means casting themselves as the villain, the failure, the unlovable one. It has to make sense at any cost – not making sense is more unbearably uncomfortable than a story with a tragic ending. That’s wild isn’t it?